Something Bright and Beautiful

I don't know that I've ever gone this long without blogging since I've had this blog, but we've had such a busy summer, it's been hard to find the time. Also, I knew what I wanted to blog about but I just didn't really know how so I've been stalling until I could find the words.

We've done lots of fun things this summer: beach trips, Vacation Bible School, family dates with friends, cookouts, swimming, all kinds of things that have made it a memorable summer - and FUN most of all. But, we also got some answers that we needed this summer and are (hopefully) headed in the right direction in one major aspect of our family.

We realized about a year ago that Jack was a little unique. Well, we've always know he was special but unique in different ways. He was behind in some areas like:

playing with other children his age

walking up and down stairs

using a fork and spoon

jumping or other physically demanding activities

and there were areas that seemed to give him difficulties that other kids his age didn't seem to have like:

having unusual fears of things that weren't at all scary

have difficulty eating with other children at the table or in the room

participating in group activities

Then, there were other areas where he seemed to be ahead of other children his age such as:

spelling and reading

being able to remember exactly what color door each teacher's room at his school was (even though he's only been in two of those rooms and doesn't know most of those teachers)

being able to quote most of the nursery rhymes after just a few times of reading them

And finally, there were just some things that were different and unusual like:

an obsession with letters, words and spelling

bizarre concentration on odd things

stimming behaviors (a physical reaction to becoming overstimulated)

lack of eye contact

Obviously, none of this alone is a big deal and could be thought of as just quirks but being a social worker, I knew that when you put it all together it meant something was different. Also, he has lots of sensory issues with rubbing his hands together and other repetitive actions he does.

We finally went for some testing and this was the result: Sensory Integration Disorder w/ autism characteristics. We think that the actual diagnosis could very possibly be Asperger's Disorder but Jack is a little young for that diagnosis.

This is not the best news Ben and I have ever gotten of course, but I do think that God had prepared us for this before we went. We've been dealing with it for about a year now and were pretty sure we knew at least the type of results we were going to hear before we ever got there.

I have gone through lots of different feelings and emotions during this whole process, but I always end up here:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21 NIV

Although, Jack's life may look very different from what I originally envisioned, he was ultimately created to glorify God and He can do that in exactly the way God intended if He sets his heart to become the person that God created him to be. God will do more than me, Ben or Jack could ask or imagine in His life - through His power!

A very sweet friend of mine, Emily, sent me a link to another mother's blog who is in a very similiar place right now and she wrote: "One of the reasons that I didn't want to post about Jak's diagnosis is that I have discovered how controversial the world of autism can be. I'm not looking to find the "cause" of Jakson's autism nor am I searching for a "cure". Autism is not cancer, it's not a cold, this is basically my child's whole being. His personality without autism would be completely different." When I read that, it was one of those times that I thought, "That's exactly it. That's just how I feel."

I wouldn't have asked for this and because of it, Jack's life could be very different than anything I would have imagined, but I am so thankful that he is who he is! There are so many quirky, wonderful, fun, funny, exciting, mind-blowing, phenomenal things about him that wouldn't be there if not for this part of him. So, even though it may be more frustrating at times and there may be things we have to do differently, I want him just the way he is and I'm thankful for this!

One of the many things God has already shown me through this is that weakness in some areas can show us how much we need Christ. I'm praying this for Jack:

"We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us." Colossians 1:10-12 The Message

God has something bright and beautiful for our family and for Jack! His strength with spill over into joy as we continue to be thankful in all these things and for this wonderful and perfectly created blessing...