The Battery Wented Dead

My friend Shonna was in charge of something called "Spotlight VBS" at our Vacation Bible School this past week. Each night we took pictures of a different crew of kids and then she inserted these into a computer program which recapped the Bible story for the night with the kids pictures. It was a really neat deal and the kids loved it. Friday night was the night for the preschoolers to take pictures. Jack's not much on being posed for pictures. Most kids would probably just say, "I don't want my picture taken." or just not participate. Jack, being much more literal than most, kept saying, "The battery wented dead!" meaning her camera battery had died and wouldn't work. He was trying really hard to convince her that she couldn't use her camera. He's pretty funny...

Anyway, as I thought about it later, I realized that is sort of how I've felt the last few months. Like my battery was slowly going dead. I just didn't have the energy to do the things that I normally enjoy - like blogging:) I realized that it has been a sort of depression. Not like couldn't function depression or anything like that - just a really bad case of the blues that lasted much longer than I thought it ever would.

There are probably lots of things that attributed to it or maybe it just happened. Regardless of the reasons, it's been a tough few months. I think what really was disconcerting to me is that I'm normally a "pull yourself up by your boot straps" kind of thinker. I've always felt that I just had what it takes to muscle through tough times. But if I've realized anything lately, it's that my strength just isn't always enough. I've always know that there are some things that I will never be able to control completely. I just didn't realize until recently that my emotions and feelings could be one of those things.

Again, this wasn't some life altering condition or anything like that. I think only my closest friends even realized I was having a tough time and they would just say things like, "You don't seem like yourself lately." Those words rang so true because I didn't FEEL like myself. That was NOT a good feeling for me. But last night as I was thinking and laughing with my friends about what Jack was saying as Shonna was trying to take his picture, I was suddenly really thankful that I have a place to charge my battery.

Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 28:11

I'm not gonna lie - it hasn't been easy to pray and meditate on Christ the last few months. But we've been studying in my Sunday School class a book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. We've been challenged to take about 30 seconds before we pray to focus on who God is - who is this God we are praying to? As I've done that, I've thought about how big He is, how powerful He is, but also how that big, powerful God is the same one that bids me come to Him. It's really an amazing reality to contemplate.

We all go through hard times. I really think if I tried to put into words the difficulties I've had lately, most people would think it was pretty small stuff. But it's been my stuff and for me, it wasn't small and I couldn't shake it. That's true of all of us. I don't understand sometimes why people get upset about things that to me seem really small and inconsequential. But the reality is that it's our stuff and for us, it's big and we have to live through it. And sometimes things are tough, tougher than the stuff we're made of.

But it's never tougher than the God I serve. He's never confused, depressed, or at a loss for what to do. And he wants me... He wants to love me in a way that through that love, my life brings Him glory. So, my battery was getting weak, it was going a little dead, but I'm getting recharged from the energy source that never runs out. And you never know... in a little more time, I might even be camera ready.